I went to the Wyatt-Baby’s school the other day to pick him up. The DARE Officer and the principle came over to make sure I had my pants on. I did.
Wyatt climbed in the car and immediately smacked me upside the head with his Power Puff Girls lunch box. “Dad. You forgot to pack my cookies and Cheetos today. I am starving!”
Naturally, I blamed his mother. Then, after regaining my senses from his powerful blow, I realized that I DID pack those things in his lunch! What the hell!
So, I carefully and politely informed him that I did, indeed, pack those health items in his lunch. After talking about it for a few minutes, he remembered handing me the Cheetos himself. I smugly harrumphed. “Don’t get cocky, Pops. . .you won this one, but it won’t happen again,” he said. Gulp!
After we got home, Wyatt-Baby immediately told Mother I blamed her for the missing items. Brat.
After re-lighting her stogie, and getting her a fresh beer, she forgave me and told me it was her opinion that some punk at the school stole the items. . .maybe it was the teacher? Wyatt quashed that idea, saying the teacher was afraid of him and would never do such a thing.
So the Wife suggested that, tomorrow, I place ExLax and hot sauce in the cookies to set up the thief. “What a great idea,” I said. I immediately tried to figure out a solution that didn’t end up with me in jail.
Long story short: nothing legal worked and he lost his lunch 3 more times after that, until I had a talk with the teacher and asked if she would personally keep an eye on his lunch. The thefts suddenly stopped.
Hmmm? Maybe Wife was right after all? Shh. . .don’t tell her I said that!
(In reality, Wyatt lost his lunch several times, as did several other kids. The thief took the good stuff and left the healthy stuff. We think it happened at recess, when some of the kids escaped the playground. We tried setting them up with marked bags and asking the teacher to check the lunch boxes of the kids if the thefts reoccurred, but the thief didn’t strike again. . .maybe it WAS the teacher?)